"A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing." -- Payne Stewart --
Submission Forms
GOLF JOKES
The golfer on the tee looks back at his playing partner "Don't stop your constant yapping now, it will throw off my game!"
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Ben's wife was becoming quite irritated with his Golf game. She wasn't mad that he liked to play, rather that when he did play it was an all day event. Ben told her that Saturday morning he had a tee time for 6:00am with Charlie and even with slow play he should be home by Noon. "OK" said Mrs. Ben, "please don't be late we are going to the lake with the Johnson's in the afternoon."
Noon on Saturday came and went, along with 2:00, 4:00 and 6:00! Finally, shortly after 7:00pm Ben pulled into his driveway. He was met by a very agitated Mrs. Ben.
"Honey I can explain! On the 3rd tee Charlie had a massive heart attack and died."
"You could have called me from the hospital." stated his wife.
"Hospital? I never went to the hospital."
"Then where have you been?"
"At the golf course." explained Ben, "All day long it was Hit the ball, drag Charlie, Hit the ball, drag Charlie."
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The golfer addressed his ball on the par 3 tee, drew back the club and hit the ball with all his might. As he was regaining his balance, the ball took off with a wicked slice into the woods. It ricocheted off three trees then shot back out of the woods, onto the green and almost into the hole. Instead of joyous celebration for his miraculous luck the golfer threw his club to the ground and stated, "If only I'd have hit it a little harder."
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A male golfer was standing on the Ladies tee addressing his ball. A course
ranger came up to him in hurried distress,
"Golf is a game of honor and etiquette! You are not supposed to play from the
Red Tees! It's not right!!"
The golfer stared at the ranger and asked, "Is it good etiquette for you to rush
over here and interrupt my third shot?"
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Husband and wife conversation overheard on the fourth hole:
"I know I said I wanted to play! Now I'm saying I want to leave!!"
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A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measuring the distance, wind speed and direction.
The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball already!! "
The guy answers, "My wife is watching from the clubhouse and I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it man" the partner says, "you'll never hit her from here."
REJ Kansas
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Three Golfers walk into a bar. The third one ducks. (hehe I just love that one)
Duffy
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The driver said to all the other clubs in the bag, "I am the most powerful club here, and the rest of you are just whimps! " The rest of the clubs were in awe of the Drivers power.
Then the little putter spoke up, "Yes Driver it is true that you can hit a ball 300 yards. " said the putter. " But I can bring a full grown man to tears in less than six inches." The rest of the clubs laughed wildly.
Duffy
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: She had a wicked slice.
Todd Indiana
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Corey was applying for a new job. During his interview he was told that part of the responsibilities was taking clients golfing (Great Job!!) Even though Corey had never played golf, he said he did. "How hard could it be to play a game." he thought to himself.
He found a local Golf Pro, bought the most expensive equipment and signed up for lessons. 20 Minutes into his first lesson the Pro could tell that Corey was quite frustrated. "OK," the Pro said, "I want you to just swing the club naturally, without hitting the ball."
Corey was immediately enraged. He threw his club to the ground and scolded the Pro, "Haven't you noticed! I do very well at not hitting the ball!! I hired you to teach me to HIT IT!!!"
Lenn from Illinois
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