Of all the hazards, fear is the worst." -- Sam Snead --
Submission Forms
GOLF JOKES
A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California exactly the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that juts out into the Pacific. It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball always fell short, into the ocean. Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick.
Recently he went to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer. However, before he hit it, a powerful voice from above said,"WAIT...REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND-NEW BALL." He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that the some force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition. As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "WAIT...STEP BACK... TAKE A PRACTICE SWING." So he stepped back and took a practice swing. The voice boomed out again, "TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING." He did. Silence followed. Then the voice spoke out again. "USE THE OLD BALL."
RGS Michigan
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The golfer decides to leave after nine holes and surprise his wife but on his way home there's a beautiful women along side the road with a flat tire. So he stops and offers his assistance to her and so she invites him to her place to clean up and a reward. They spent the rest of the afternoon alone in her apartment. He gets home and explains this whole story to his wife why he is so late and she exclaims "you liar, you played another 18 holes of golf"
Scooter
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If you make a hole-in-one in the forest and no one sees it, will anyone hear you?
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Milford quit playing golf and his friends were trying to persuade him to pick up the game again:
"What can we do to get you back out on the course."
Milford replied, "Get the greenskeeper to position the holes in the rough!"
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Gabriel was having a slow day on the horn so he called up God and asked him to play a round of golf. On the first tee Gabe hit a screaming drive 330 yards right down the center. God stepped up, addressed his ball and with a mighty swing his club met the ground 2 feet behind the ball. The powerful swing carried through the ball and sent it sailing towards the woods. At the time the ball made the woods a great wind blew the tree branches and an oak branch made contact with the ball sending toward the green. As it came to the center of the fairway the ball bounced off the 250 yard marker, sending it straight up into the air. A passing eagle grabbed the ball in mid flight and carried it to the green. The ball was dropped on the green just as the ground started to shake. The tremor started the ball rolling toward the hole and in it went. A hole in one!
Gabriel turned to God and said, "Come on God, enough with the miracles already."
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"How was your lie on the last hole today?"
"It must have been OK, everybody believed it."
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I don't understand my son. When he's driving a golf ball he can't hit a thing. When he's driving a car he hits everything.
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Golfer: A person who yells Fore, hits six and writes down five.
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A wife comes home to find her bags packed by the front door and her husband sitting on the couch polishing his golf clubs.
HUSBAND: "You gave me the choice, either you or golf."
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Ad in the newspaper - FOR SALE: Full set of Callaway golf clubs, one year old. Includes Bag, shoes, balls, rain suit, umbrella and a really expensive putter. Price $50.00. CALL 555-5555.. If a man answers please hang-up.
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Husband and wife are relaxing at home on a Saturday afternoon.
WIFE: "I don't understand golf at all. I would like to know more about it, so that I can share your enthusiasm for the game.
HUSBAND: "There's a golf tournament on TV right now. Let's watch it and I'll explain the game as they play."
The TV came on as one of the players was about to make his shot out of the greenside bunker.
HUSBAND: "This is a tough shot. He needs to get out of the sand and he only has 3 feet of green to work with."
The player made a miraculous shot out of the bunker. The ball bounced once on the green and into the hole.
WIFE: "Now he's gone from bad to worse. He's lost he ball down that gopher hole."
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One day a golfer walked in class and the teacher asked what's 2+2? The response came, "foooooorre!"
T. Jackson
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