"Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life not to ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy." -- Amy Alcott --
Submission Forms
GOLF JOKES
Three television weather forecasters were playing golf on a Saturday morning. Disgusted with the slow play they formulated a plan. "Next week we will predict major thunderstorms for the weekend, then less people will show up."
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Golf is a game of paradoxes. You hit a green 387 yards away in two strokes, but it takes twice as many strokes to put it in the hole 8 feet away.
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A single golfer was seen rushing through the course. He'd hit his shot grab up his clubs and run to his next shot. As the hurried hacker approached a foursome they waved him through. As he passed they couldn't resist asking why he was playing in such a frenzy.
"On the 4th hole my cell phone rang, It was my daughter. She said I needed to hurry home, her mother had fallen and broken her leg. I'm rushing because I have to get home and take her to the hospital."
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"I'm sorry sir, I believe we are lost." said the caddy.
"Lost? How could we be lost?! I asked for you because you know the course better than anyone."
"Yes sir, I do know the course very well. But we left the country club almost an hour ago."
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A group was sitting in the clubhouse watching the PGA Championship on the big screen TV. One of the spectators in the back of the room asked to turn up the volume.
"SHHHHH!" came the response, "Not while Tiger's putting! "
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At the company golf outing the Salesman's foursome consisted of himself, his boss and two clients. The boss stepped up and hit his tee shot. It took off like it was shot out of a gun, hit a tree and reversed direction. The boss caught the ball with his hand just before it hit his head.
"What do I do now?" he asked his salesman.
"Tee it up, hit the same shot," started the reply. "only this time put your hands in your pocket."
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"How are you Bernie? I haven't seen you in over 8 years. Did you get stuck on a lake fishing?"
"No," said Bernie "I gave up fishing and started playing golf.
"Why did you choose golf over fishing?" asked the old friend.
"I was talking with a buddy one day and realized that golf liars never have to show anything."
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"If I have to move Heaven and Earth I will master this game."
"I certainly believe that sir." said the caddy, " And might I say what a fine job you have done today, moving the earth."
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During a lecture at medical school:
"When giving advise to your patients tell the women they should get out of the house more and tell the men they need to play more golf."
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As the foursome approached the 15th green they could see a funeral procession slowly moving along the road that paralleled the course. As the procession passed one of the foursome removed his hat, bowed his head and held up play as it passed.
"Bill, in all the years we've played together I have not seen anything interrupt your game."
"It was the least I could do." commented Bill as he lined up his putt, "Today would have been our 34th wedding anniversary."
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