"The toughest thing for most people to learn in golf is to accept the bad holes, and then forget about them." -- Gary Player --
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GOLF JOKES
A priest, a doctor and an engineer showed up to play golf at a course they had not played before. The group ahead was
extremely slow and after about 5 holes, the threesome flagged down a course marshall to complain about the slow pace
of play...
The marshall explained... "Oh, you'll have to excuse them, but they are firefighters who were blinded fighting
a fire here last year... They saved the club house though and we now let them play anytime they want for free..."
Feeling kind of embarrassed, the priest said, "We had no idea... I shall pray for them each morning from now on...".
The doctor quickly spoke up and said, "I have a good freind who's an excellent opthamologist... I'll speak with him
and perhpaps there something he can do to help.."
The engineer looked up and said, "Why can't they just play at night...?".
Bill in Indy
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Joe finally had his first birdie. Stepping up to his ball on the par 3 tee he says to his partner, "An iron and a putt and I have 2 birdies in a row."
Joe drew back his club, topped the ball and hung his head as it dribbled of the end of the tee box. "Now for one MIRACULOUS!! putt" says his partner.
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A beautiful woman, dressed in a wedding gown, drove into the clubhouse parking lot. Her car came to a screeching halt and she angrily stormed across the parking lot to where the club carts were parked. She hopped in the closest one and her foot never eased on the accelerator as she searched the golf course.
She spotted her quarry exiting his cart on the 11th green. "Philip Michael!! Do you know what time it is?? We have 400 people waiting at the church to see us get married."
The would be groom pulled his putter out of his bag, walked towards the green and casually commented "Now Bethany, I told you I would be there if it was raining."
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Frank called one of his business associates and asked him if he could play golf. One of Frank's Sunday afternoon foursome couldn't make it and they needed a last minute replacement.
"I'm sorry Frank. If it was during the week I would, but I don't like to play golf on my own time."
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Every Saturday Ted and Paul met to play golf. The predictable pair had a standing first tee time for the last 4 years. This past Saturday Ted was the only one to show up and the club pro asked what happened to Paul.
"Would you play with a golfer who cheats and lies and pads his handicap?" Ted asked.
"Well no!" said the pro, "There's not much fun in that."
TED: "Evidently Paul thinks the same way you do."
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A middle-aged man decided to take up golf. He called one of his friends who was an avid golfer and they headed to the local club. After seven hours on an empty course the pair finally finished their round.
"What should I give the caddie?" the rookie asked.
His playing partner replied, "Your clubs and your word that you will never return."
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Question: "What do you think of my game?"
Reply: "It's OK, but I prefer golf."
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The newlyweds had both been playing golf for years, yet they had never played together. They decided that their honeymoon would be a golf vacation. On their first day the new groom pulls the cart next to the men's tee.
GROOM: "I'll hit and we'll pull up to the Ladies tees."
BRIDE: "That won't be necessary. I always play from the men's tees."
After the round the score was tallied and the new Mrs. had won by 8 strokes. This continued for the rest of the week. The grooms fragile ego had taken a beating every day and was becoming quite frustrated with his wife's playing ability.
On the last day of the honeymoon the blushing bride had hit the par 5 15th green in two. As the couple approached the green they discovered the outcome of her second shot.
BRIDE: "I have a chance for eagle!! I have never eagled such a long hole. If I make this 40 foot putt, I will just DIE!!!"
Hearing this her husband perked right up. With a mischievous grin he stated, "That's a gimme."
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"The traps on this course are really annoying."
"Yes I know." came the reply, "Maybe you should keep yours shut!"
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The new member strolled into the clubhouse and announced, "A round of drinks for everyone."
As the patrons cheered the bartender asked, "Did you get a hole-in-one?"
"Oh no. Much better than that! I golfed a perfect game."
"Perfect game?" questioned the barkeep.
"YES! I scored 300"
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The club pro talking to one of his students:
"In the last month your handicap has dropped 10 strokes. Your swing looks the same and you're hitting the ball as usual, what are you doing differently?"
"It was easy." replied the student, "I just quit playing the 18th hole."
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Tommy got a job as a caddy. On his first day he left the house at 5:00am and didn't return until well after dark. His worried mother scolded him fiercely for going off with his friends before coming home or calling her first.
"But mom," said the young man "I've been working the whole time." "I don't make much money carrying golf clubs, but I make a killing backing up the golfers stories in the clubhouse."
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